I haven’t updated in a while because
it’s been busier than usual for us this month. This is totally and completely
my fault by the way. I had the brilliant idea to take two children under 4,
load them up in an RV, travel over 4,000 miles, and brave two snowstorms so
that I could check off a bucket list item and see the Grand Canyon.
Y’all. I know. The cancer drugs are CLEARLY affecting my
brain and ability to reason.
In hindsight I can see that this was not an ideal situation
for someone who is already energy depleted and enjoying the very unglamorous
gastro-intestinal side-effects of cancer treatment. Bless my heart. (And if you
are a fan of National Lampoon’s Christmas vacation, I know what Cousin Eddie
one-liner you are thinking of right now…)
So the good news is that treatment is still going according
to plan, and we will have scans on Monday to check my progress. I did have the
very uncomfortable privilege of an ESM test a few weeks ago. Basically they
hook you up with lots of electrodes and shock the ever loving fire out of you.
It’s really awesome. Probably about as much fun as ripping your fingernails off
slowly, one by one. I came within a gnat’s hair of ripping the electrodes off,
throwing them at Rosemary (the tech) and bolting out the 4th story
window clad only in my hospital gown and blue socks. It was that serious, y’all.
Thankfully all those tests came back normal, and they confirmed
that neuropathy is due to inflammation in my nerves. They had me stop running on
the treadmill about 6 weeks ago, and since then, my neuropathy has been VERY
infrequent. (Don’t you just love a doctor who tells you to stop exercising
because it’s bad for your health?)
I completed my 11th
infusion this week, so only 35 more to go! (Maybe fewer if my scans come back
clear next week!) My primary side effect is still fatigue, but I have been dealing
with increased nausea and some stomach issues. Nothing debilitating, just minor
inconvenience, and a SMALL PRICE to pay for my tumors shrinking.
There are so many suffering from this awful disease, one of
whom passed away this week. It was devastating for me. I didn’t know Kara
personally but felt like I did through her beautifully written blog (http://www.mundanefaithfulness.com/)
and her book, The Hardest Peace (read this book!). I related to her story as a
stage IV cancer fighter and young mother. She was faithful and beautiful even
in her passing. I encourage you to visit her blog. You will be encouraged and
amazed at a life well lived. Full of joy and peace, even facing death. Here is
just a snapshot of her story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=13&v=g02BVmlam6k
It’s always unsettling and difficult for me when another
stage IV cancer patient loses their battle. It honestly scares me to death. But reading Kara's story has really helped calm my fears. She faced death with so much peace and joy. In her living, suffering and in her dying, Kara spurred others on to live well. To choose joy. That the presence of suffering is not the
absence of God’s goodness. And to know that God’s grace WILL meet me in my
suffering and WILL BE sufficient for my every need.
And then there are people like Windle, who remind me that life
could always be harder. It could always be my child facing this diagnosis. Parents of children with cancer, you
are my hero. Every time I walk into the infusion center I thank God that it’s
me arriving for treatment and not my children. Will you join me in praying for
Windle and his incredible family? He has fought valiantly against cancer for
years, and they are having to face some very hard news right now. Check out his
story here, narrated by another hero of mine, his mother Tara (http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/Windle).
And last but not least, you people are still blowing my mind
with your kindness and generosity. We still routinely get cards and checks in the
mail. Many of you text me daily or weekly to see how I’m doing. Asking what I need. Bringing me meals. A few weeks ago
I got a message from a girl I’ve never met saying she wanted to donate all of
her SkyMiles to me. Two weeks ago I received a $500 check from a church in
small town Texas that I’d never heard of. Last week I had an anonymous donor
pay for all my pilates classes. (Okay so my doctor says it’s imperative that I
still exercise…just not on the treadmill. Shoot!) There are too many blessings
to name. Every week uncovers new relationships that bless my life. All of this
is evidence that God is with me on this journey, and gives me renewed strength for
the journey. How I WISH you could know how much you all mean to me and how you
are helping me.
The grace, mercy and kindness of God on my life extended
through all of you in this time is just astounding. I am so, so grateful,
humbled and amazed at the way people continually give of their time and
resources to help my family. I am SO thankful for all of you. You are a huge part of my story.
Please be in
prayer for my scans on Monday at 2:15. As much as I expect them to be really good, there is always anxiety that goes along with scans! The last scans showed only a trace left
in my lungs, praise the Lord! IF I get the all clear, Dr. S says I’ll continue
treatment for a few more months and then we will have a discussion about postponing
treatment indefinitely!
With love,
Meredith
